awesome rolling thunder all through the night - bright lightning strikes with long pauses between flashes & roars rip the firmament.

@ the library, marlon explain that the prophet's admonition of sleep was against missing morning prayers for the sake of some shut eye.

maureen had told me long ago to watch 'shall we dance', so i finally take out the dvd from the library today.

to my surprise i discover peter gabriel on the rom-com soundtrack. lump in my throat, i'm stunned by 'the book of love' :

"The book of love is long and boring
No one can lift the damn thing
It's full of charts and facts and figures,
and instructions for dancing
But I
I love it when you read to me
And you
You can read me anything
The book of love has music in it
In fact that's where music comes from
Some of it's just transcendental
Some of it's just really dumb
But I
I love it when you sing to me
And you
You can sing me anything
The book of love is long and boring
And written very long ago
It's full of flowers and heart-shaped boxes
And things we're all too young to know
But I
I love it when you give me things
And you
You ought to give me wedding rings
And I
I love it when you give me things
And you
You ought to give me wedding rings
You ought to give me wedding rings"...

susan sarandon's character says we marry because we want someone to bear witness to our life. i've heard that before in another movie & agree. godfrey & me "jumped the broom" within our 1st week of meeting, @ the cape town slave lodge literally with lucy as witness (she used the janitor's broomstick). later we had the aids commemoration lemon bush in the centre of the companje gardens as our witness tree - the school kids laughed @ us kissing before it. i took that childish playful vow seriously. as a wedding band i gave him the mood ring that my old factory quality control, michelle's sister gave me. (she just gave me a mood ring, out of the blue as a gift 1 day, years after i was fired from aerodyne & we met again on the train). he didn't like it & said it doesn't work properly. to my mind we were committed & only need GOD as witness. man-made legal contracts are irrelevant.

tonight i visit sandra & lolla. we conspire about sandra's next carrer moves now that she's been retrenched and is independent (she's upset about a near-hit on the lotto) & lolla's options of further study vs. own apartment...

growing up my biggest fear was becoming a useless male. unemployed; unproductive. godfrey lands jobs so easily. but he's continually job-hunting. i sulk & lost interest in pursuing jobs in my fields of interest (both visual art & sound engineering). my biggest regret in our relationship was when i wasn't present enough to support him - like when he was teaching the mentally challenged adults fulltime, in athlone but still commuting home every evening to make dinner for us & my family - mother, grandmother & sister. making food was an arrangement with my mother to ensure rent-free living but i should've contributed more ...