at witching hour he comes back from sandra. godfrey tries talking to me but i feel unresponsive : he comes into the room and lies on the bed staring at the ceiling.

i didn't expect him to come back from sandra tonight. he starts talking but i can already sense the direction of "the talk" - we've been here before many times - i sooo don't want to be, here!? not again! ... this time around the conversation's very calm & considered though. (i wonder what they were talking about where he came from.) he says that i've been dishonest & indirect with him about my avowed poly-amorous inclination. (i'm still reading an essay about cybernetic capitalism on the 'puter as we talk.the cursor on screen & clock on the wall blink & tick in time. synchrony [?])... i say that i've always allowed him the permission to do as he pleases & live the open romantic relationship i profess without pursuing it myself. we disagree as usual, since the beginning. face to face now, we're here again; i feel so much turmoil but quiet calm at the same time. i don't think i should back down. i believe in poly-amory & i've been thru multiple relationships with him, always being courteous to him & his others. i expect the same. i didn't appreciate his sulking behaviour recently when an old friend visited, while i'm very friendly to his exes who we encounter often. (there's no one even on my gaydar. i don't know what his paranoia is about.) it's a stalemate.

i want to tell him about marilyn manson's libertine wedding vows (" Through the force of Air, directing principle of our intelligence and mind... forever you will respect who you really are," he intones. "...You will not be prisoners of an exclusive relationship.... Love is not seeking for a likeness but complementary differences.... Through the force of Fire, directing principle of our sexual energy, your pleasure shall be mutual and limitless...,") i'd researched & my favoured extropian principles (open society : " We approach others as potential sources of value, friendship, cooperation, and pleasure ") ...

but i don't think he cares nor would hear of it again. we'd spoken about 'heiros gamos' ages ago but he probably doesn't remember. after the stand-off he's off to sandra's @ 1 in the morning.