"As jy my ooit eendag nodig het vir ENIGIETS, moet asb nie huiwer om my te kontak nie. Al soek jy net n oor om te luister. Sagte drome..." sms, godfrey.

spring cleaning bedding... everything is out on the line, in the sunshine! ... 

i realised last week that the washing line is actually a production line. or a pre-production line, prepping every1 in the household before we face a social day ... 

godfrey & sandra, with baby, zoe drop in to pick up the cat's tray. 

... my mother buys the dogs humungous ostrich bones as a treat ...

run into aunt dinah & her granddaughter & grandson on my way to the library...

visit CoS to buy 'creation of human ability'; get to see ellen & angela... 

black-heart 'lolita' shades. 

visit triangle library. chat with denver & javin...

tai chi @ the library tutored by maia with ann & her daughter & son and hazel. i'm partnered with young bradley ... 

"strange days" on tv - i'd forgotten it was one of my fave movies 1ce. angela bassett is cool for sci-fi. especially with peter gabriel & deep forest on the soundtrack.

"Jammer as ek kortaf geklink het,ek probeer net myslf beskerm,wnt ek IS nog lief vir jo.Hoop j verstaan?Jy moet mooi bly&ek hoop os kan gou weer chat!As j..." (partly delivered) sms, godfrey.

"Ek is seeer in my hart want ek was baie lief vir jou. Dis nie wat ek wou he nie. Wat het ek dan aan jou gedoen dat jy my so behandel het? Ek kyk na jou en..." (partial) sms, godfrey.

interesting doccie about prison gang culture on tv "the flower gang" (about an initiatory ritual human sacrifice)- it traces south african coloured gang culture to 19th century bantu bandit syndicates & provides a history to gang-approved prison homosexuality... 
i get off-cut fur from a ball-gown coat to cover my bed with (purrr!)...

"Hi. Ek wil asb van my docs op n ander laserskyf kom laai, want ek kan dit nie vanaf die skyf lees wat ek geskryf het nie. Laat my asb weet hoe laat ek more kan kom. Al dan nie, sal ek dit waardeer as jy die hele Side Effects folder vir my kan email. Met dank." sms, godfrey.

mixed blatino gay, prison couple on 'my name is earl'. 'terminator 2' & 'live & let die' on tv (yaphet kotto is dashing as opposed to his character in 'alien')... 'yellow' on late-nite (fatima was teasing carol last week about her misconception with amaryllis flowers apparently growing in her garden)...

from my mother & dion ... 

i visit paisley park - cult centre to my pop idol - via google earth on ann's laptop...

"please call Skazi47" sms, nur - no airtime to reply.

bees thematic today...  

my mother gave me honey to use as medicine yesternight... reading about the merovingian kings whose sometime family crest was a bee... spent the day @ ann's place helping her sort out her online presence. her son is watching 'the bee movie' on dstv...

"O,ja,M!Ekt vergeet om te se jou vriendin ,Carol het gese sy kan nie jou ma vat en dat jou ma nie maniere het nie.Jy kan haa grus daaroo vra-syt dalk n verskoning" sms, godfrey.

"Ek kom die kat se sandbak later of Sondag haal " sms, godfrey.

godfrey comes home from sandra in the early morning drunk. he approaches me but i rebuff. 

spring equinox...

he says he's moving out to his father's. this morning we argue over who gets the cat...

carol & maureen are off to receive long service awards from the city of cape town. 

tai chi classes @ the library in the afternoon. 

i finish helping dawn with some paperwork. 

after sunset shahieda visits to arrange my help with a computer task. 

marlon visits later to see godfrey, who's away helping sandra's baby brother prepping for his matric ball. 

marlon tells me about indigenous history & knowledge... 

'earthdance' revued on conscious.tv ....

... cold war on a divided homefront. 

maxie heads back home to ladismith...

  @ the library carol holds a meeting with magdalene & kathleen (both disadvantaged housewives) educating us about asthma - these talks are very interesting. shahieda drops in...

for the past month my mother & i've been working on a pair of matric dresses for a young white girl who's attending both her & her boyfriend's matriculations: some people have to do-over matric, she's chosen to over-do it... (matric season can really pass now - we've been burning the midnight oil @ the boutique for over a month now.) ...

"Hi marcellino im so sorry that i cud not meet with u as arngd bt is it ok if i fetch the things in the morning @830 pls forgive me if im intruding so early sha.." sms, shahieda about a small business computer task i'm helping her with...

"Its ok.will bring rX along.still need 2add Fam.game event!" sms from dawn about 'puter assignment...

rainbow over the bay... 

there's so much wrong with my life - i'm an un(der)employed stay-@-home (over-extended adolescence) in a dysfunctional romantic relationship... but i get to live the life of a supposed "gentleman of leisure" (fortunately part-time employed in my mother's couturier family business)... sitting, reading in the backyard, my private hortus conclusus (tending to my demanding, overbearing grandmother) the dogs are chasing butterflies (how surreal).i'm not demanding (i'm thrifty) & i have support. I AM sooo strangely fortunate. 

reading about the albigensian heresy & knights templar... '13' on tv.
'total recall' on tv again (i loved the movie as a child). 'hotel rwanda' on another channel.

"Ek wens ek het geweet wat om vir jou te se. Well, 4 whatever its worth it: Ek dink aan jou... Bly goed" sms, godfrey.

today is cynthea's funeral... 

godfrey brought xa along yesternight. 

the service is full of people from all denominations, including a large muslim contingent affected by cynthea's social work. my mother initiates all the psalms sung, to set the tone when the crowd becomes too rowdy & conversant. 

cynthea is to be cremated...

maxie is visiting from oudtshoorn (ladismith) to attend cynthea's funeral...

"Ai Lino alwee gn airtime gehati:-Ivskoontog asb?ma no raak ek vby xited n nervous uk,wat gan os maak jong?:-/" sms from sandra...

"Ek is jammer maar dis beter so dat ons nie praat nie. Miskien as ons ALTWEE groot is sal ons ALTWEE beter kan komm. Hetsy met n ander geliefde..." sms, godfrey...

"5!" sms to sandra (about her reverbnation chart ranking)...

i pick up a rose stem on my way home from the library. i pot it... 

today i incubate (i was a pre-mature born, incubator baby for several months)... 

sandra visits godfrey.

"Omdat ek ni so n mens is ni wo k jo ni se ni,maar dt mk skr ni mr sk ni. Vra vi Carl wt se lelke gd sy al vn jo ma gese het..." sms from godfrey.

"Id luv u to be. Am I urs?" sms from godfrey after i asked him if he thinks he's my soulmate? ...

"As ek praat is jy nie happy nie. As ek niks se nie dan doen jy ook NIKS. Kan j vir my in eenvoudige direkte taal se wat is dit wat jy wil he?En wat gaan JY doen" sms from godfrey.

"Wt moet ek NOG dn?Wil j he k mt krpeer in ellende vir jo?Ek kn nie.Hkms dit so moeilik om te wys&SE jy waardr&wil met my wees?KN JRGTIG NIE SIEN WT J DN NIE??" sms from godfrey...

carol organised a social club for unemployed women in the area surrounding the library: it's interesting to sit in on their chat. today their discussing asthma & marlon teaches some basic first aid...

"Wot i want to say is that im also hurt but u dont see it" sms, from godfrey...

"U bn tlking dwn on me,U bn condasndng.U shwd me u dnt care bout my flings/wu I am.I bn aware o it al da tme,bt I lvd u&lkd psd it.Am stl wlng 2.Jst thnk bout hw un4gvng u r 2ward me.Wot wud u hve done?Nt sayn dis as an inslt.Hpin it wud open ur hart&mind.I love u.Thank u 4 wot I can share wit u" sms, from godfrey.

"Jong ma nous os vanag opad boontoe Lino!:-Disit regtag waar heh?" sms from sandra...

godfrey confronts me to decide the future of our relationship... i'm initially reticent but tell him that i'm happy on my own: he bids me bye & thanks me for letting him free to move on to better things.

godfrey gives me a daisy chain to inaugurate spring ( "Bless my soul, save my name
I ain't never goin' down 2 the daisy chain! ... 
Daisy chain
Leave you with a headache, daisy chain
Daisy chain
I aint never, never, ever goin' down 2 the daisy chain." the artist formerly known as prince, 'daisy chain'
"circles of flowers, 
pyramids of sand
violet colored diamonds 
 u got 2 understand..." prince, 'incense & candles') ... 

he makes sunday lunch by candle light; my mother is amused when she steps in.
(shortly before lunch i learn from my mother that a male cousin has been arrested for sexually assaulting a female cousin. they were both drunk... )

i feel alienated from him tho'... i'm off to bed early. we sleep apart.

godfrey e-mailed our friend circle another 1 of his monthly updates vilifying me. his personology profile is nick-named "dogged persistance" showing his ability to persevere & realize his dreams - good or bad. ("Look out, here comes ur rainy day
Now u think you got a good reason 2 say
Everything that's in ur heart, come what may
Even though his might get broken

Who's the guilty one when there ain't no judge or jury?
Shadow 2 the sun, next 2 the one
Hell ain't got no fury" prince, 'fury')

the moon is accompanied by a very bright venus... 

neo is such a loving dog: we watch the sunset & moon together.

"wanneer kom jy dan" sms, my mother (i'm pre-occupied, reading & running late to the boutique)...

"Hi All! You are invited to the Auditors Event tomor night- where we validate the most valuable beings on the planet... And we validate those who have completed training andauditing steps! 6:30pm for 7pm at the org... RSVP this number!!" sms, angela...

my mother calls to inform me cynthea has passed away... 

mr. riffel, our neighbour opposite tells me about growing vegetables on his old plot before anyone else was living around. he says we all go home (to heaven, "even the sinners"!). i had no idea he's already 80 y/o & still so active (gardening; doing carpentry etc.)...

first green on the vine... 

godfrey & i have a huge fight about his library name-calling altercation, with sandra in the next room. 

she said our dianetic session earlier in the week really helped. 

carol (the ex-geography teacher) explains what neap tide is in her car, with her new tenant, giselle along on our way to pick up sean...

7/11

ecstatic. sandra is @ no. 7 on the reverbnation WC R&B chart & godfrey is @ no.11...

"Hey M, Did you send the email about the concept yet? Please it is keyhole under the folder godfrey! Thanx hugs craig!", sms from craig...

"Laat daai jou net wys hoe sprakeloos ek is...!!!x no in di 7de hemel:-D", sms from sandra...

innervue @ library services for the assistant librarian position today. went well: the interviewers were purposefully confrontational. 

i miss carol's 1st "talk & tea" but she debriefs me later... 

godfrey & i talk before i go to help @ the boutique... .

"Hi. My hooter is buite werking." sms from carol, explaining why she didn't hoot goodbye when she dropped me off @ home.

The NEW online home of gay art! — Boytoons Magazine

The NEW online home of gay art! — Boytoons Magazine

"Alle voorspoed met die onderhhoud. Even if the panel sees just 1% of who u r, u will b 100% succesful. All the best!" sms from carol...

i audit sandra.

i'm disturbed by xa's levi takkies which he forgot in the garden last time he visited: cartoonish skull & X-bones and daggers are supposed to hint @ 'pirates of the caribbean' but given his hometown of belville they seem death-cultish... 

carol talks to my mother about godfrey's nasty sms to her earlier inthe week & a confrontational meeting they had yesterday... 

@ my mother's boutique she's invited a young distant cousin named elvireshia (2 female cousins i have with this name, 1 on the paternal side & 1 on the maternal side & their both +/- the same age... ? ) ...

"I will cum c u l8.marcellino must be there." sms from sean...

i attend angela's pansa/red door tax workshop. 

@ the org i buy 'scientology 8-8008'.

godfrey sleeps out.

tonight the dogs sleep outside for their 1st time. 
sigourney weaver on tv in "gorillas in the mist".

godfrey & i attend couple's counseling @ triangle projects, as per his demand in return for his doing 'self-analysis' earlier per my demand... 

i re-discover the triangle library. Light In Extension (Llewellyn's Western Magick Historical Series)

"Ek sal daarvan hou as jy my vashou. Dankie." sms from godfrey...

"Ek is nou in nie taxi oppad Triangld tne. Het jou gewag en jou probee bel na jou call back. Sien jou daar! Sterkte...", sms from godfrey...

"Im taking the early train going to Dept Soc Dev, library, Lucy et al. See u at Triangle at 4. G", sms from godfrey...

i find the rose stem the dogs destroyed in the garden this morning... or rather the rose stem finds me! 


my (tom)cat is bitchy & my bitches are catty!

1st of spring... 

godfrey is off to the clinic for a check up... 

i'm drawn magnetically to the window during a drizzle shower when the sun clears a swathe of blue sky... 

homeward with carol after work to help send off her online assignment.

"Oooh!leka leka!sien jou beslis netou!!!:-D", sms from sandra...